I certainly hope you haven’t come here looking for some sweeping resolutions or tales of some awesome success. If you did, then I am terribly sorry. I hope that your disappointment fades easily. That’s the weird pole I’m swinging right now– in a place that seems to either demand amazing amounts of grand action or uproariously ridiculous VICTOLY.
Luckily, in the last 2 years I have learned just enough about affect tolerance to be able to say that I am having none of that, TYVM. I don’t want to swing on a pole. Historically, I land with a painful thud. I’m just going to sit here and chug away at my own version of baby steps, OK? It’s the only thing that continues to make sense as things around me crank up to senseless levels of noise.
This is a terrible first post of the year. In my defense, it’s been a rather odd year. I learned a lot of weird useful stuff. Much of it was really difficult to learn. Mostly I was left feeling empty. I’m right at the edge of being overwhelmed, like I emptied myself out so thoroughly that the world is rushing back in.
Again, “no thank you” to the tornado on one side, and a familiar abyss on the other. I’d like 2011 to be the year when I start seeing some return from the many hard lessons I’ve come into. Maybe if I just stay on this nice path in the middle… I’d like 2011 to be the year that I stop working in the dark.
I’d like to hear the first utterance of that problematic word: yes.
“I’d like 2011 to be the year that I stop working in the dark.”
I hope it will be for you. You deserve it.
And I love you.